He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
