He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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