I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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