Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
