lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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