It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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