Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
