Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
