Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
