Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
