Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
