A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder