Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize