that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
