I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
