You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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