We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
babies were throwing up all over the place
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
