I wish my penis had an off switch
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We have started to decorate penises.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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