I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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