is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just high enough for therapy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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