The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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