Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
