We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
