Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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