you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
