Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
