C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
