I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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