You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think your dad took our porno
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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