oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
