I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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