I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
