Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
