also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
