My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
