i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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