Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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