I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
