filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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