I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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