I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
