I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
