she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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