what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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