I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize