Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
