Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.