i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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