I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.