Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
