Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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