fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
