According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
