We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
