Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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