I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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