I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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