DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
