should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
