This girl is more easily done than said...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
